Friday, November 11, 2005

SEND HELP

I am being held hostage by Isabella. She is keeping us in milk, but she is also making me milk her every time or, at least, be a part of the milking crew. Sleep is a valuable commodity and she is stripping it away, bit by bit and I think she has a plan for me as well. Every time she licks me now she is trying to get a bit of my hand in her mouth. I have read that cows do not bite. If your hand is in her mouth, she bites. Maybe since she has no top teeth it is not an official bite. Perhaps Webster requires opposing teeth to call it a bite. Fine, it is a pinch, but it has the potential to result in having your finger pinched off.

I am also concerned that she may be trying to get together with the chickens and team up on the rest of us. Caught her over by the tractor earlier today. She likes their food and they are the only animals, aside from me, that she will allow near her without trying to get them. Its just suspicious, that’s all I am saying.

When I milked her tonight she was sort of testy and after 45 minutes of working her I had a bit more than a gallon and a half. It was at this moment she stepped in the bucket. I had dodged three previous attempts this evening by her, but this time she got me. I tried to keep milking her just to get her empty, but she would not let me. I expect to get a bunch of milk tomorrow morning.

I started working on a business plan this morning for the spa treatment, the working title for now is Isabella Dermabrasion. I figure we get cows and have people lay down on a Lazy Boy or dentist chair, cover their eyes and have the cows lick them while we play some John Tesh in the spa provided headphones. I am thinking maybe we put a perfume of some sort on their upper lip to hide the cow smell. Just a thought, let me know what you think.

I read today that Barbara Streisand is calling for W’s impeachment on her blog. Since I am as important to her career as she is to political discourse in the United States, I am calling for Babs to star in the remake of Coalminer’s Daughter.

Roger

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