Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Watchout, I'm weaving

In the movie “A Christmas Story” there is this part where the father is battling the furnace and the narrator says something about how his father could weave profanities together like a tapestry. This really is a talent and in my past life I have been known to weave. Okay, in my current life I have also kept some semblance of my past self and still let loose with angry tirades from time to time. The bad thing is that bad habits are just that – habits – and they can take hold of the wheel at times when we least expect it. Tonight, as Wednesday night church was ending the preacher was making a little joke about how quiet it was and asked if I wanted to sing to which I replied “No, mumble mumble mumble.” That is how I remember it. I swear to you that is how I remember it. Pretty much every other member of my family, the preacher, the youth minister and his wife all remember it a bit different. Allegedly, I said “Hell no, mumble mumble mumble.” On the bright side, I won’t have to figure out how to fit serving as a deacon into my schedule.

On the very bright side, Stephen still has his job after a week and is enjoying it. He is also learning to drive. This is something that I have yet to witness as I am not deemed worthy of serving as his driving instructor. I think this is silly as I already know all the words. Even though I am not his instructor, I am still able to provide him with vital and important learning experiences. Last Friday night I picked him up from work and as we drove home I decided to drive by the stadium to see if we could get a look at the scoreboard. It also occurred to me that the game might be on the radio. So, as we drove through town I was searching the dial for the game and driving along. The turn off came as a bit of surprise, but I was able to make it. The police officer behind me thought it was a bit of a problem, though as I had been - allegedly - weaving without signalling. After confessing to being a total moron he let me off the hook for not signaling with just a warning. He did write me up for not having proof of insurance. I did have proof, it was just for the first half of the year. So, Stephen now knows to admit quickly and nicely that you are an absolute moron when pulled over, to signal, to worry about the radio at the stop lights and not in between and to always carry your insurance card with you. Make that your current insurance card.



Audrey said...

ROTFL I was in a Sunday scool class years ago and a man in the class was asked to read something and he too said "hell no" it was helarious. I was just happy it wasnt my husband who had said it. Infact Im always a little nervous that he is going to say something off the cuff at a not so oppertune time. he doesnt cuss much but when he does its usually at the most wrong times. If it makes you feel any better I was on the phone with a friend yesterday as I saw my dog bolt out the front door (the one that takes at least 30 min to track down and then when you find him he runs from you) as I watched him run out the door and invisioned what my next hour was going to include I yelled "d*m it" right in her poor ear. I'm not one to normaly sware either but sometimes, well it just pops out!

Heather Sanders said...

'weaving'?? I thought that was called improv - shows what I know.

I think 'weaving' is especially pertinent when you walk out the back door and you find the Great Pyrenees 'holding' one of the 6 week old chicks in his mouth - yes, I definitely was 'weaving' just a little then.

And we *ahem* have neighbors.