Monday, October 02, 2006

All the news that's fit for the birdcage

I don’t know why this came to mind, but it did. From time to time the kids get this idea in their head that they need to do a newspaper about our family. There is always a weather forecast which they do as well as any other weather forecaster can muster. They usually have a short story about one of the animals and a cartoon. There is never any good hard-hitting journalism, just a bunch of fluff. If I wrote the family paper I would have plenty of stories and interviews and features, like...

Stephen talks about washing chicken grease off dishes, shares his tricks! (lifestyle section)

Mitchell comes out of room! (front page)

Faith rides horse! (front page picture)

Why did Grace drive the van? When will Grace admit she drove the van? (investigative column)

Claire invents tape clothing line to an awe filled Milan (Fashion Coleman! section)

Clark, fixated on saying “wearing coats”, gets beaten by older brother (crime page)

Joy pokes cow (sports page)

Sam shuts his own finger in toilet seat accident, treated and released (local news)

Mom talks, does anyone listen? (advice column)

Dad still in bad mood over still lost keys (pretty much in every issue and ignored - like Jumble)

Getting out of bed after bedtime is bad (editorial page)

Every issue would also include a weekly dinner menu in a weather forecast format so that if there is a 40% chance of meatloaf on Tuesday and we have spaghetti instead we still have an out. I am concerned about being able to get ad revenue for a paper with a circulation of 11.

Roger

1 comment:

heather sanders said...

bwahahahahahahaha!!!!