I think we've all heard this and most of us say we believe it. But when it comes down to truly living our lives as if we believe God will provide, that gets a little harder. He wants us to do something about our own provision, right? Isn't that why He gave us brains?
I've let my sewing webpage expire. I was losing money on that venture. Then there was our attempt to raise chickens and sell the meat. I'm not sure about Roger, but in my mind, this was going to keep us going. These were the two things I was putting my faith in, along with God, to provide for us. Neither one has been successful and we have lost money on both businesses.
So, with the expiration of the webpage being yesterday, and the chicken business's last attempt totally failing as of Friday (we were supposed to process chicken for an order of 30. We only had 23 still alive--out of 70 chicks purchased--and only 5 of them were big enough to bother with.) I've been asking God how? How are we supposed to make it out here. I mean, we have Roger's job, but it's part time with an income to match. And while I know it was provided by God, what about the extras that come up in life--like braces! I was thinking that things would only have to be hard until the chicken business and/or my sewing business took off. Now, these things helped me believe we could survive and gave me the confidence I needed to be okay with just up and leaving everything to move out here where we knew no one and had no job. But it seems it wasn't what God intended to be our provision. So I have been praying and seeking His will for us.
Over and over this last week it seems God is trying to tell me that He is all I need. Not just in word, but in truth. He is ALL I need. I mean, it's everywhere I turn. The same message over and over. Last night I had to run to the store. I went by myself which meant I could talk to God. I love driving somewhere by myself. I turn off the radio and just talk to Him out loud. I realize it doesn't work this way for everyone, but I've found that when I talk to Him out loud, I can "hear" him more clearly. So we had a conversation last night.
I asked Him HOW to trust Him for provision. I can say I do, but then I worry about all kinds of things. So I'm not really trusting Him or I wouldn't worry. He explained to me that I just need to tell Him what I need and then leave it to Him. Sounds easy enough. That doesn't mean, of course, that I get to just sit around and watch tv and eat bonbons and ask Him to provide cable and more bonbons. He's given me a big job and I am trying to do it. I am homeschooling 9 children. We do most of our cooking from scratch. There's laundry to do and bathrooms to clean and while the children do their share of chores, there's the disciplining that has to go with that. I have to watch over them and be sure they are doing the chores and honestly, that's harder than just doing it myself. So I do these things that He's given me to do and I (often) do them to the best of my ability frequently asking Him for guidance and help. Because, let's face it, I don't have a clue what the future holds and what my children need from me. I could get so swayed back and forth by the things I hear from others and the thoughts and dreams I have for my children. But God, when I ask Him, is always steady and keeps me keepin on.
So I just have to trust and obey. Sometimes I worry though. I asked God HOW can I just give up the worry and trust Him. He asked me if I would like it if my children worried about where they'd find food when they are hungry or clothes when they need them. Of course I wouldn't! That's my job. They can just ask me and I'll feed them and clothe them. "Oh," I said, "I get it." It should be the same with us and God, our heavenly father. We should go to Him when we have a need or a worry or a concern and let Him take care of us. So I did. I gave Him a list of things I've been worried about. Then I left it with Him. Okay, truthfully, I'll probably keep nagging Him about stuff kind of like my kids do to me because I'm impatient and want an answer right now. But hopefully God won't snap at me when He just can't take the whining anymore.
I'm thinking then that if I just ask God each and everyday, "What do You want me to do today?" He'll keep me on the right path. And then He'll provide through the things He tells me to do or some other means. I'm wondering if that's what He means about not worrying about tomorrow because today has enough trouble of its own.
I think it's going to be hard to just give up my own planning and worrying. But I sure like the idea of the rest and peace that could come from living day by day for the Lord.
And so far so good. I asked for shoes for Sam. Not just any shoes, but the kind he already had that he loved so much he was willing to shove his feet into shoes that were at least a size too small. I followed God's guidance and went to the Goodwill store. They had shoes on sale for 75 cents that day and had a pair just like Sam wanted in his size in perfect condition. Praise God from whom all blessings flow!