Sunday, April 13, 2008

Hi, Mom!

I met my mother this week. Not sure what to say about it. Not sure what I want to share. She is short and we share a family resemblance. She had to put up with a bunch of crap to give birth to me and then she had to deal with more crap after I was born because she had me. I believe that the Christian community does itself a horrible disservice by the way it so often threats women in the situation my mother was in back in 1963. “Religion people” scream that abortions should be illegal (I agree with this) and then treat women that choose to bring a baby to term like they are horrible people (I disagree with this). I am not sure how easy or hard it would have been to get an abortion in 1963, but I have thanked my mother that she did not get one.

I am her only child. Circumstances kept a woman that seems to be a very good “mother” type of person from gaining her heart’s desire until almost 45 years after her son was born and whisked away. She never saw me. She was just coherent enough to catch that the birth certificate said “baby boy” as she signed it.

So there she was this past Wednesday at my house with her grandchildren and son and daughter-in-law. She brought us all toothbrushes. Not just any toothbrushes, but electric rotating and vibrating toothbrushes. Even Melissa and I got a toothbrush.

There weren’t any Oprah moments with the two of us running to each other with tears pouring down our faces. She drove up with her husband in their truck and got out and we hugged and she went in and we just kind of looked at each other while the other wasn’t looking trying to see what we could of ourselves in the other. I have her eyes and nose and mouth. It turns out we both like licorice and she gave me some to go with my toothbrush. I had bought some for her when I went to Dallas week to get a tractor, but being the selfish, uncaring child that I am I ate almost all of it on the way home.

I also met my step-father. So far he hasn’t been mean to me or treated me any different that his own children like we see most step-parents do on television shows and in the movies.

My mother and I drove around for a couple of hours talking on Thursday. I learned a lot about her during the drive. She learned some about me. None of any of this is going to be in the blog.

This coming week I am going to get to know my Grandmother.



~*~ Jennifer ~*~ said...

I'm glad you are sharing this -- it has been most interesting.

and YES -- we are very hypocritical aren't we... DOWN with abortion... then DOWN with un-wed mothers. That is one of my favorite charities... helping the folks who help the mothers!

JM said...

A couple thoughts from someone who's been there (although not in 1963)...

*When I found out I was pg at 19, I also discovered that ALL of my girlfriends except one had had abortions already.

*After deciding on adoption, I did receive comments from a few people asking how I could do such a horrible thing. But it was just a few.

*The overwhelming majority of people treated me like a hero and lavished praises on me for my decision for adoption. I often felt ashamed to receive such credit. It was so often, and so extreme.

*For those who choose to keep their babies, I have heard many stories of being looked down on -- for example, protesting the baby shower, as if the baby doesn't deserve to have his/her needs met because the mom messed up. Sad.

Just wanted to share my thoughts since it's easy to focus on the negative, and really, for me anyway, it was a very positive experience.