Thursday, March 10, 2011

Being Supermom

It's lonely at the top.

Not that I think I'm supermom, or that I'm a better mom than anyone else (well, honestly I've seen a couple moms that I wondered about, but in general I don't think so), or that I'm at the top in any way.  But people seem to perceive me that way.

There's this line of thinking that seems to be automatic.  I did it myself back when I just had a few kids.  You meet someone with lots of kids and there's this automatic feeling of awe.  How can she handle all those kids?  She must be Supermom!

But you know what? I'm not.  Yes, I have more experience, and yes, I have my hands full.  But I mess up just like any other mom--probably more so since I have more opportunity.  And I worry about each and every thing about my kids just like any mom.  Maybe more so in some areas because I've seen more problems, but less in other areas because I've seen those things are okay.  But overall, I worry a lot.  And just like any mom, I need fellowship with other moms.  I need to be able to talk to people and share my trials and triumphs just like any other mom.

And please don't think I know everything.  You know how you can't remember what you had for dinner last week? Neither can I.  You know how you forget things and when you had your second child, or babysat your friend's child, you couldn't remember things about that stage you've already been through with your child?  I do that too.  It doesn't matter that I'm pregnant with my 12th.  I still have to look up each stage of pregnancy to try to remember what's going on.  And I still can't remember things about what age a newborn should do what.  I have to keep my babycare books handy.  Not as handy as with my first, but still there.  And I still get frustrated when they cry and I can't figure out what's wrong and sometimes end up crying myself because I just don't know what to do or I'm so tired I can't function.  I'm still in awe of how smart they can be or how cute they are and laugh at their silliness.  It's all new every time.

So when you meet a mom who has a lot of kids and you are in awe, just remember that she's just a mom who does what you do-- just more of it.  She needs to talk, just like you do, only maybe more.  Don't walk away scared because you think she'll judge your lack of experience.  She's too busy to be judging you.  Just treat her like you would any other mom--say hi, talk to her, ask questions about her kids, talk about your own, share your trials and triumphs and let her share hers. Offer to help her if she needs help or accept her help if she offers it.  Take time to talk to her at church and don't be afraid of her because she's some weirdo. She's as much like you as any other mom, just busy. But never too busy for friends.


AnnG said...

what a great post, Melissa!! It's true we all need friends...sometimes more than others! Hope you have a great weekend full of family and FRIENDS!

livinglife said...

I miss our talks when our first kids were little. Miss you!