I'm not asleep. It's 3am and I'm awake. Why? No, I haven't had insomnia in 22 years. I'm up with this adorable little baby beside me.
People always ask if your baby is "good". Well, Max wouldn't qualify as a good baby I think, by most people's standards. He has long (well, they seem long at the time) periods where he cries and I can't seem to soothe him. He doesn't sleep very well either.
But he smiles when he's happy and he gives me these looks like he adores me. I love the little moments. They keep me going.
He'll be sleeping in my arms and begin to wake up. He'll see me, smile, then relax and go back to sleep. It's like he just needed to be sure I was still there. (I think that's why he doesn't sleep well. There are those times I put him down, rare as they may be.)
I love those times when he falls asleep nursing and we seem to just fit perfectly together. Like he just belongs there and we are both so relaxed.
I love when he "talks" to me (like right now) with a series of gurgles and aahs and goos. And his expressions are so serious as if he just wants me to understand. But then suddenly breaks into almost a laugh and we laugh together at his "joke". I love the sound of his voice.
I love kissing baby foreheads. And his cute blond fuzz that will someday need a haircut.
I love those moments when I think I've calmed him.
I love how his siblings love him--each in their own way. Gwen, at 20 mos, can have a dangerous love and I have to watch her closely, but she means well. She bit him last week. Like Max in the storybook Where the Wild Things Are he has to watch out for those who will eat him up they love him so. Speaking of wild things, 11 yr old Clark can turn so calm when he gets a turn to hold Max. I love that.
I really love that when I check if he's breathing, he is. I had a scare with that today and I'm so grateful it was nothing.
And I really, really love that he's almost asleep as I finish this post one-handed.
Typing this helped this late night seem not so bad. I may have to do a post on things I love about my 3 yr old soon (and there are many) the next time he throws a tantrum or I step on one of his cars in the middle of the night.
Shhh. He's asleep! G'night!